Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 5: Easy v. Simple
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have been known to say that “nothing is easy, but everything can be simple”. This isn’t always the case, of course, but this kind of blanket statement motto has been a constant reminder for myself in my own trauma recovery journey. For me, because I believe in the almighty optimism of life, I just trust things the simpler they are. It’s almost like when searching for an answer — I tend to have it fall into my lap. However, then, when something comes too easy, I tend to be a skeptic! Yet when something tangible and logical comes to me — like in a dream or something — it seems simple and feasible. This could be an answer to a question, a confirmation I needed for something, the next right step that I’m searching for, the proper response, or just what I must do to move forward from a situation. However — this comes after taking time to learn to self-trust and trust the universe. If you aren’t there or you are bent toward pessimism — I’m not going to try to change your mind. If you hear me out though, I will challenge you with a concept that may turn into a powerful inner resource on your healing path. Either way is okay, but I’m going to share it because I believe it to be true — if only for my own life.
The way toward self-realization is realizing who you are; the way toward self-actualization is actually realizing who you are.
The End…Just kidding.
Trauma survivors — all of us — would LOVE an easy solution, an easy cure. We want the PTSD to stop, the emotional disconnection to end, the relational and intimacy issues to go away, the physical pain to be gone, etc. We know there really isn’t an easy one-step-cure-all to fix each of us. What if it could be broken up into simpler steps though? What if there was a perfect path for trauma recovery with YOUR name on it? Different for each survivor; tailored to your specific trauma, responses, coping skills, and aftereffects. Instead of asking how CAN you live your best life — what if we asked ourselves how SHOULD we live it? What I mean by that is what if we had a felt sense of knowing in our gut that is our authentic self that is guiding us back to our truth.
I don’t say this to sound woo-woo. I’m not woo-woo; I’m just woo. I believe that survivors have their own tools and keys buried inside them like a hidden treasure. Trauma covered it up with earth, magma, rocks — like a volcano that covers everything it touches. But — underneath is still preserved the tools that you were born with, the person you still are even before the trauma happened. The purpose, the passion, the right path for your perfect life. Now, those tools may be altered from the lava, ash, and soot. They may work differently; they along with you have been changed forever. That’s all true. It’s also true that the coming back to yourself is the healing. Then you realize, uncover, and rediscover (or maybe just discover) who you are. This can’t be an easy task — but it can be simple if you trust that you are still in there. If you are sure that you are, you are willing to do the work, set a plan, and show up for yourself over and over — the rest can be simpler. Your self-actualization can then be freed to bubble over and do great things.
Way back on Week One, I discussed some basics of this in episodes called: “Agency” and “Acne of the Soul” which I’ll link to in the show notes for reference. Finding what works for you and what you actually need is part of a self-inquiry process. If you are struggling with sifting through this — I recommend asking your trauma recovery coach or therapist for help. This is similar to Life Coaching — which I am passionate about in helping people find their life’s mission — but if you have a trauma history, this may be bringing up so many emotions that you may need extra support. Feel free to send me a message and ask how I can help.
Once you do this self-inquiry process, you’ll start having freedom to ask yourself questions about goals, careers, relationships. You can search out answers to life’s big questions. You’ll want to figure out how you want to live, where you want to live, who you love and why, how to be a good parent, how to break addictions and cycles, and so much more.
And all that can be simpler because you’ll ask your inner knowing what SHOULD you do instead of what CAN you do. For instance — if you asked yourself what you can do for a living … you could think of 10 things off the top of your head. You could pick off the option’s list by narrowing it down based on how long the commute is and how much the salary is. You then decide on whatever one, and then go and get it. Probably in a year or two with the right certification or degree or application process — in no time, you could be a (insert career here)!
However, if you ask yourself deep down what SHOULD you do for a living … then, you have to simply be quiet, patient, still, and listen. Aligning with your purpose deep in your inner being, you can actually find out what career bests suits your purpose. Then — you won’t be given a random list to choose from, you’ll be given an answer.
I do know from experience that this trauma recovery thing is really difficult at times, and it requires consistent, hard work. Picking an easy road — like remaining where you are, not growing, allowing your family to keep manipulating you, not setting boundaries, losing yourself in everyone else, striving to be perfect, just staying where you’ve always been — this won’t take you to where you want to go. Choosing the (albeit) harder recovery road– doing the work, being coached, figuring out who you are, getting help for your addiction, emotionally releasing all the junk, discovering your authentic self — will give you the long-term gains in the future to live your best life and walk in your healed, whole self.
And that’s the end. That’s the goal of this human life thing we do — finding ourselves and our purpose and then being our best self. On this week’s Full Circle Friday, we’ll talk more about the idea of goals and goal setting (which is a big part of what I do as a trauma recovery coach). If you are overwhelmed at the challenge of today, send me a message on the “Connect” tab on my website to let me know. I promise to reach back with any help I can offer. If you are feeling overwhelmed, there is a reason for that, and we can figure it out together.
