Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 15: Objectivity
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To start off today, I want to give a shout out to Feedspot. They ranked “Trauma Survivorhood” as #32 on their most comprehensive Top 60 Trauma Podcast’s list this month! I appreciate that and am honored to continue to bring solid content three times weekly to survivors around the globe. Ranking #1 on this list, as it should is Guy Macpherson’s “The Trauma Therapist” podcast. This is the podcast I was listening to that fateful day years ago when one of my Association’s coaches came on to explain the modality of Trauma Recovery Coaching. It’s all been forward motion for me since then. I’m honored to even be on a list with his amazing podcast, and he is now weekly helping me to develop a solid coaching business helping survivors find their full circle healing as a trauma recovery coach myself! That’s a full circle moment, for sure!
Now let’s dive into today’s topic: on being objective. I love this word and its many meanings. The dictionary defines objective as: a) expressing or dealing with facts or conditions as perceived without distortion by personal feelings, prejudices, or interpretations, b) of, relating to, or being an object, phenomenon, or condition in the realm of sensible experience independent of individual thought and perceptible by all observers : having reality independent of the mind, c) something toward which effort is directed : an aim, goal, or end of action.
Similar to last week when I discussed nearsightedness, objectivity is a perception free from distortion. Although no longer talking about actual vision, this concept comes with time and energy and space and distance. Being able to have an undistorted perspective, one must have a bit of distance from the emotions and biases of the situation. This can be hard to do for yourself and by yourself. Not impossible — as I believe all things are indeed possible. Yet, a lot of what coaching is for my clients to be an outside shift in their perception. Not at all to say that I take away from the pain and reality of their trauma. We never downplay the emotions that come up during your trauma healing. We aren’t trying to get rid of your past — just looking for new ways to cope in the future. I just personally believe that having another’s view of the aftereffects from your trauma is really insightful when moving forward as a survivor. I do think that an individual needs to be able to see the affirmations that their trauma left with about themselves — all the lies that come out subtly of what we believe to be true about ourselves. This sometimes sounds like an affirmation of something a survivor says: “I can’t do X” or “I can’t figure out Z”, or something they limit themselves to like: “I will always be this way”. Those black and white statements that we say so subconsciously continues to wire into the brain the things your abusers made you think about yourself and the world around you. Having some internal space and distance from your trauma allows you to see things from a more objective view. Never, ever condoning the abuse or forgetting about the trauma, but in a way seeing things from a fresh view. This can be challenging and comes with a lot of practice.
Beyond that, objectivity also serves to allow for more concrete evidence to present. You can step back and recognize that you still speak illy of yourself when stressed or that you use your parent’s words to describe your lack of accomplishments. You can question those all or nothing statements, asking yourself if they are really true and why you believe them and when you started believing them. This is a powerful internal resource for yourself — similar to CBT training to challenge your thoughts. Can you begin to have some objectiveness when you think and talk about yourself? Is there room for reframing? Are you looking for other ways to feel differently about a situation so you can unstick from the misery?
What I most love is that a whole other definition of objective means a goal. It’s almost as if once you allow objectivity to work its way into your life, you can start setting recovery goals based around this new view and way of thinking. It’s just really beautiful to me that this change can occur with just a few questions — asked of yourself or your coach. Small challenges to your mindset can turn it from doom and gloom to a growth mindset over time. You can begin to see yourself the way your friends and loved ones do; you can hear and speak your trauma story in a new light with a new hope for the future. Then, you can set aside goals that you want to move toward and start growing right before your very eyes.
If you think you are ready to begin this kind of journey of healing and reframing, setting goals, and changing your life from the inside out — send me a message or schedule a free 20-minute consult today to see if coaching is the next best step for you. I’d love to support you as you start exploring your way from subjectivity to objectivity.
