Mindful Mondays|Week 24: Xenial

Sara, CTRC-A, IFS
3 min readJun 13, 2022

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Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

To get started today, try to find a really warm space where you feel gently held, quieted, and comforted. This may be your bed, in front of the fireplace, or a breakfast nook. Pick somewhere snuggly, in a space where you won’t be distracted. Find a relaxed posture but also an alertness so you won’t get too sleepy. Take a really slow, even breath. Try to find a balanced inhale and exhale. I recommend a five-count inhale, five-count exhale. Go ahead and try a few that feel good to you to bring some stability to your practice today.

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Today we want to use this time to practice some inner hospitality. The word xenial means warm, welcoming, and hospitable. It defines the relationship between a host and their guest. Try to see if you can be really hospitable to anything that comes up during this time. Can you welcome the monkey mind of racing thinking, maybe even intrusive thoughts, or a difficult emotion? Can you play host/hostess to the guests that join you during this mindfulness practice? Try to find a peace within yourself so that you can help make comfortable whatever discomfort you find in the body or mind or spirit. Try it for a few minutes.

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Are you finding unease in welcoming tough emotions? Are you struggling to be welcoming to a body sensation like a leg that fell asleep? If so, imagine yourself as the host of your whole being. Imagine each sensation, thought, emotion, feeling, and distraction to be your guest. They will all be temporary, I promise. The brain will lose interest in any sort of thing after not too long. So while these things come and visit you, try to conjure an image of you welcoming them into this home inside you. Give each passing one a generous and warm greeting. “Hello. I see you came for a visit.” “Thank you for coming to show me that today.” “I welcome your discomfort with open arms.” “Hello, my friend. Grab a cup of tea and come sit with me for a while.”

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Before we close, try to clear out all those guests with a moment of focus on the breath, to center yourself back into your space and time and allow the host a moment of rest. Try a few more balanced breaths at whatever count feels comfortable to you. It’s a chance to extend some hospitality to the host for all the kindness you gave out to welcoming your guests. Just stay connected to the grounding, equal breath.

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Welcome back from your journey of playing host. You did a wonderful job being xenial to all the things that rose up from within you. You were very kind and welcoming. Take that kindness with you as you open your eyes and go back into your day. Use this practice whenever you need a bit of space between you and your troubling circumstances, body aches, or spiritual fatigue. This xenial practice is here inside you for whenever you need it.

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Sara, CTRC-A, IFS

An IFS-informed advanced certified trauma recovery coach at Full Circle Wellspring LLC and an overall trauma survivor advocate.